Etchings

Etchings: Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Corpses

A paranormal investigation team based in Rotherham has been barred from entering the premises of a South Yorkshire church because their endeavour does not jive with church doctrine.

The Church of St. Mary the Virgin, Rawmarsh threatened legal action if the  Paranormal-X team, or their founder Mark Smith, set foot within the confines of its cemetery.

Evidence of Paranormal-X’s previous exploits on the church grounds.

They went as far as erecting a sign warding them off: “The (parochial church council) wishes to clearly state that this is a Christian burial site and the planned event is in direct contradiction to Christian doctrine as understood by the Church of England. Paranormal-X have no permission to gather in these grounds for the planned purpose and should the event go ahead, the organisers may be subject to legal proceedings.”

Paranormal-X has visited the church in thepast, twice during the summer in 2016. Both times they’ve post videos to Youtube. Clearly the PCC was not amused with the attention.

“I understand the church’s perspective, given their beliefs which are based on doctrine and scripture but I do think it was a little unfair,” Smith said.

PILLARS OF SALT, YOU SAY?

Well, it turns out Lot’s wife might have been turned to salt for another reason other than holy intervention.

Archaeologists have reported that the Bible’s Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed by a superheated asteroid, exploding in the atmosphere above the cities.

The theory was put forth by Trinity Southwest University archaeologist, Phillip Silvia of Albuquerque, N.M. and is based on findings of unusual minerals in crystalized radiocarbon dated back 3,700 years ago.

According to Silva the shockwave of the asteroid could have forced a tsunami of Dead Sea brine over what was once fertile farmland, thus lending credence to Lot’s wife becoming a human salt-lick.

CLIMATE CHANGE? BLAME THE ALIENS

A conspiracy theory fit for a Donald Trump-mindset is being borne from a UFO sighting in Argentina back in early November.

An odd light was seen outside of Santa Cruz, Argentina during a windstorm, and the light is now being associated with the natural event.

Part of the reason is due to the ramblings of alien aficionado, Scott C. Waring. “UFOs are known for causing wind, lightning, thunder, hail and even tornadoes.”

Argentina is known for high volumes of UFO sightings. A Swiss man, Werner Jaisli, built a monument outside of Cachi as a “landing pad” for extraterrestrials. Apparently, he did that because “they asked me telepathically to build the airport.”

In the words of Ace Ventura, “Alrighty then.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE MY IRISH EYES

The Irish Aviation Authority is investigating an alleged UFO sighting after three different airline pilots reported seeing a fast-moving bright object Nov. 9.

One instance, a pilot flying a Boeing 737 on Flight 94 from Montreal to London, had the pilot sounding embarrassed, asking, “Is there a military exercise?”

The Virgin Airlines Flight 76 pilot, flying from Orlando to Manchester asked about meteor activity in the area.

Even Time reported on the bizarre event.

Unfortunately, the public may not know what happened for quite some time as the report, “will be investigated under the normal confidential occurrence investigation process”.

HERETIC OF THE MODERN AGE

Reverend Alessandro Minutella could be facing a crisis of faith after being excommunicated by the Catholic Church, Nov. 13.

The Italian priest who alleges he is in communication with angels, saints and the Madonna, and called Pope Francis an antipope, was given the heave-ho due to “heresy and schism.”

This all stemmed from Pope Francis’ views to letting divorced and civilly remarried Catholics receive communion.

DIGGING UP THE PAST

Archaeologist excavating a site in Chiclayo, Peru have uncovered an ancient burial ground thought to have belonged to the Mochica culture.

The December discovery was announced by Édgar Bracamonte Lévano of the Valle de Lambayeque Archaeological Project.

In total, 32 graves, complete with decorations and spiritual offerings. Twenty-three of which are confirmed to be of the Mochica culture. The others are suspected to be of the Lambayeque culture that dissolved until 1375 AD.

WE CAME FOR THE CHARGERS GAME. OOPS.

Residents of San Diego, Calif. were charged up after the sights they saw in the sky in late October.

Chris Wilson filmed a strange light show, commenting, “Whoa, what the hell. It’s stopped its free-fall and now there are two.

Chris Wilson recorded what could be interpreted as a meteor … or something else.

However, there are two military installations close by – Marine Corps Air Station Miramar and a U.S. Air ForceReserves base.

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